Some days I get the weird feeling that my life isn't real, but more that it is some strange sort of cruel/strange assortment of experiences that is here for another's entertainment. The amount of experiences (strange ones) I have had within the past year have really been ridiculous. I have absolutely no idea how to digest all of what has happeend and is happening. If I tried, I couldn't even come close to calculating the amount of experiences that I have just thought to myself, "What the hell? Is this seriously happening? Am I crazy?" I have a difficult time not feeling like a cynical old man who scoffs at everything that crosses my path.

Chipotle is still ridiculous as ever. I'm pretty sure I could easily write every blog about my experiences at Chipotle. I suppose that I really don't want to accept the hard truth that I am no longer the consumer of Chipotle burritos, but they indeed are consuming me. I am planning on asking my manager for less hours today. 38 hours a week at Chipotle is just enitrely too much. Just too much. It's getting to the point where when I get up in the morning and look in the mirror I can't help but expect to see a Chipotle burrito staring back that will say to me, "You are mine. With chips and guacamole."

Sidenote: Why the hell is this coffee shop playing instrumental inspirational music? What is this, Hobby Lobby?

Two main ideas that have been constrantly recurring in my life revolve around these two concepts:

1. When to let go and when to hold on.
2. What to do when you realize that everything that you've been told to want isn't what you desire at all.

Not that I am opposed to talking to other people who have completely different ways of thinking than I do, but I can't deny that there is absolutely nothing more comforting than talking to a person who I don't have to offer an explanation to every little detail of my life to. To be around a person who really just understands.

A huge part of me wants to be in school where it is easy to have friends, be in a community, feel some sort of stability, and have knowledge handed to me constantly. But for some reason, even though I do desire this, it is not something that can settle with me. It is a frightening thing to discover how vulnerable you actually are when so much of what previously gave you stability is no longer present.

These words have given me a lot of hope as of recent.

On Joy and Sorrow: Kahlil Gibran

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which
has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping
for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.